At approximately midnight last night, I found one of Maxie's snowboots under my couch next to the tennisball she loves to fetch. It was all coated in Maxie fur of course, which is everywhere, on the back of the couch, static-electrically stuck to the walls, in the drains, in the nooks and crannies, in the air. Fine shiny strands of fancy fur. Its everywhere, and yet, there are no sighs, no growls at passerbys and no appreciative thumps of her tail on the foot of my bed.
So I did what I've been doing since Saturday, which is crumple into a miserable fetal like position and sob till all the moisture in my body is gone and I can't blink my eyes anymore. This one was particularly bad. I found myself on the floor for quite some time, a blubbering lunatic.
Last night I dreamed I was at the foot of a great hill, on the other side of which was a battle. The sky above the hill was full of black projectiles. Maxie was running full speed up the hill, and I screamed to her to stop, but she wouldn't, so she died.
Having feelings again is bullshit. I want to go back to being an addict.
Posted by The Bunny at 10:19 AM