I went to lunch with Tucker a few days ago, and I asked him if he ever had shit bubbles race a poop to the asshole, and pinch like hell when they passed the log.
He said, "No! No, Bunny. Not ever." And he made a peculiar face when he said it which could have had to do with hearing more about the oddity that is my colon, but also could have been about me bringing up poop just as he was about to stuff a chicken wing in his mouth. I have a talent for that. When I'm out to lunch with a friend I feel comfy with--and I swear it's compulsive--I will randomly think of poop, vomit, herpes, etc., and without doing any sort of common-courtesy filtering, I'll just blurt out something like, "This one time, in college, this girl came on my face and I nearly puked."
"Whadya mean you never had pinchy shit bubbles? You're a liar. We've all had pinchy shit bubbles."
"Bunny, I have never had pinchy shit bubbles."
"Are you serious? I don't believe you."
"Bunny, your colon is ridiculous. I don't take big, hard donkey shits like you, so I don't have pinchy shit bubbles, okay? Can I eat?"
A part of me believes him, but the other part of me thinks pinchy shit bubbles are a fact of life. My foundations are rocked.
Posted by The Bunny at 3:12 AM