I found this in my diary. I thought you might like it.
You know you shouldn't have any more wine when you go to crack open a second bottle, and can't. The corkscrew is bent, or something. At least, that's what you tell yourself when it rips out and takes the middle section of the cork with it in shreds of waste, a situation akin to the stripping of a screw that's securing a door between you and something you want real, real bad. Well, this bottle is ruined, so where is more? The thought of driving to the grocery store arises and then dips below again. DUI's are real expensive. You're not thinking of the vans full of children, because...why would you think about them, or that you would be drunk and hit them with your car? You're not drunk...just DUIable. Fucking pig cops. So the idea that seems totally best--and yes, reasonable--is to push the cork into the bottle, thus opening up the mouth so that you can get some wine out. You stab a steak knife into the cork and twist it a bit. Shreds of cork fall both onto the floor and into the wine. You jerk the knife wildly, working yourself into a good sweat, but that cork won't budge. You give up on the steak knife and move to a phillip's head screwdriver. You're fixated at this point. Pathetic. You resemble a chimp with his stick at the ant hill. A final burst of effort pops the cork inward, and because you were never interested in the sciences, you're unprepared for what happens next. You didn't know there was a vacuum in the bottle, a vacuum which has now sucked up the shredded remainders of cork well into the body of liquid, and at an impressive speed too. You wanted wine. A spray of wine is what you get, on your hands, clothing, feet, the kitchen counter, the stove, the walls and the ceiling. You wipe the wine off your face and forearms and then pour it into a pint glass. To the top. Cork shrapnel floats to the bottom, which is surprising, but nice. That way you can skim the wine off the top and not worry about eating cork. But you eat cork anyway. That's when you know it's not a good idea to drink more wine.
Posted by The Bunny at 6:09 AM