I mean, if you don't like to hear about them, then there's no point sticking around these parts.
This is my place to spit feelings, not anecdotes, or wisdom, or "the way," or even any kind of decent technical writing that proves a point, or is based in fact/forensics/reality--I'm so not grounded in any of that. This is a just a journal. It's therapy. It's a wall I toss the spaghetti of my soul upon, to see if maybe it's done yet. Cheesy, I know.
So, again: This place is for the feelings. Nothing more. That's why I started it; that's why I still write in it. I have a real hard time feeling the overabundance of emotions I get rising up, like, every twenty seconds--BAM!
Today, we have: Tired. Hurt. Used. Stupid (not really a feeling, is it?) I feel all sorts of used, though--and since I'm feeling used, I'll use a way over-used metaphor to describe the intensity of the usury because the "spaghetti of my soul" wasn't lame enough--I feel like Sisyphus, you know? That mythical dude who spent eternity pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down? 'Cept the boulder is my loved ones, all my ex boyfriends, the majority of my friends, pretty much every personal relationship I've ever had compacted into one extremely heavy, selfish, worthless boulder that berates and bitches endlessly to be rolled up a mountain, and subsequently rewards all my efforts by rolling the fuck away, leaving me tired, hurt, used and lonely, though I was most assuredly alone the whole time, whether I was aware of it or not.
I now know why some people become hermits and recluses. Fuck that boulder.
But what I feel the most is the term that's not actually an emotion: Stupid. I feel really fucking stupid. How do you not know you're rolling a boulder? How do you not know it's worthless? How do you get angry at anyone else, when it was you who put one foot in front of the other and ended up here? Complex stuff, you know.
So those are some of the feelings thingys. I haven't actually been rolling a physical boulder around, though I did drop a world-class deuce this morning.
Posted by The Bunny at 1:03 AM