TheBunnyBlog.com - November 7, 2007

TheProducer is the most brutally honest person I know. This is both a good and bad thing--bad when you're hiding significant things from yourself via cognitive dissonance. "Bunny, you can really be a moody bitch," she'll say. Or, "Why don't you quit running away from the world and pick up your fucking phone?"

Those are examples of bad TP honesty. Here is an example of good TP honesty.

We were waiting for a full side of cow in a restaurant. I think I've mentioned it before, but TP is this little Asian eating machine. She's got a V12 under her itty-bitty midsection. She owns a Zagat's guide that is dog-eared and marked, no for restaurants that don't have deep fat fryers, and yes for the ones that do. So the cow was coming--along with a Pecan Pie shake to wash it down with--and we were catching up.

"I got this weird email from Natalie Merchant," I told her.
"Natalie Merchant, the singer?"
"Yeah."
"Eww...why?"
"Well, she's from the same town I grew up in, and I like her music."
"Why?"
"I dunno. I just do. I used to go to Stockton Gala Days. It's nostalgic."
"It sucks."
"And I grew up a coupla houses down from Rob, her guitarist, and I dunno, everybody listened to them. The town is nuts. Lucille Ball grew up there, left when she was sixteen, and came back, like, once, and every year they have this thing called "Lucy Fest," a big festival with tourbusses, and carnivals, and the Welfare critters that live on the hill. They've painted these enormous murals of Lucille Ball on all the buildings. Its fucking creepy...and I like Lucille Ball."
"Right. Who doesn't love Lucy?"
"Right. So Natalie Merchant is a big deal there, and everybody loves her music, and I signed up for a [now profoundly dormant] Friendster.com account and looked through all the people from my home town--you know, in case I'd lost touch with somebody I actually liked. I saw Natalie and sent her a nice little message, at the bottom of which was my signature which links to my blog."

[There's a point during this conversation when our waitress brings TP's Pecan Pie shake, and TP literally hooks her face up to it as if it were an IV. It is hilarious.]

"So I didn't think she'd write me back or anything, but a few days later, I get this message from her and it says, 'Dear Bunny, I thank you for your note, but I have to tell you that I find your web site appalling and anti-feminist. I think you should rethink your purpose in the world and find some grace.' Something like that. I can't remember the exact words, but you get the gist. I'm anti-feminist. I'm a bad influence. It kind of sucks, because I'll believe anything anyone says about me, so long as its erroneous and negative."

At that, TP unhooked her mouth from the straw and dabbed her lips with her napkin. She then set the napkin down and launched into a tirade.

"Oh, Natalie Merchant thinks you're anti-feminist, huh? Natalie hop-head Merchant, who can only sing three notes, who took the stage before the Grateful Dead in Anaheim in 1989 so fucking high on heroin she could barely get through her three note set thinks you're a bad influence on girls? Natalie drug-face Merchant, who sweated and itched her way through that day thinks you're setting a bad example? You know what sets a bad example? HEROIN! Heroin sets a bad example Natalie Merchant. Spinning around in a big skirt on HEROIN sets a bad, bad, bad example!"

I never again considered Natalie's opinion. So there you go, a good dose of TP honesty saves the day and my fragile ego. TP rocks.

Posted by The Bunny at 4:43 PM