I just met this person. Did you ever meet one of those things? A person? A human being?
Just kiddin.'
I'm hanging out at coffee houses quite a bit; listening to Emo chicks with hairy pits blather on about their pain makes me feel together. I met this girl at the sugar/honey/stevia bar, and we got to talking. I found her very interesting, and wanted get to know her better, take her to the movies and maybe play with her sweater puppies a little bit--gently, of course, because I'm nothing if not a dignified lady.
However, during the course of our initial courtship, she said something that totally ruined our chemistry. Like, POOF!, it was gone. Buzz killed. It was a bigger buzz-killer/crotch-cooler than the time I met Stacey Keibler and--though she found me completely repugnant--I was beside myself with a lust bubble that fuckin' burst like Folliculitis a few weeks later when I saw her "act." I might have felt so dirty I got into one of those cold shower thingys; I don't know. Alcohol makes the memories disappear. I'm gonna guess I showered, because I'm excessively dramatic and I don't like it when I'm not in lust, and the horniness goes away. Perhaps I even shed a tear or two for the loss of it. After that, I probably masturbated, but I don't know how that moves the story along. If I edited these posts, I'd chop that part off. I don't.
Now I'm all about romance--you guys know this--and nothing makes me happier than a makeout session, with or without fondling the sweater puppies, with or without the happy ending. Love to smooch. No question. But what's with these people who think, "Kissing is the most intimate thing two people can do?" That's what she said. Jesus. I mean, really? Putting your lips on someone's lips--mouth lips, not pussy lips--is the most intimate act a person can commit? Isn't that a little silly?
My tongue in your vagina, now that's intimate. Two in the pink, one in the stink. DP. Swallowing a load--sucking bodily fluids out of someone else's gonads. These are intimate acts.
A queef. Tell me kissing is more intimate than when your fucking vagina farts. I don't think so.
I think these people should put a cock in their ass. It would clear up the confusion, and I'd never again have to hear "A kiss is the most intimate thing two people can do." It's silliness.
I should probably go get myself some Tylenol PM or something, no? I'm not making much sense. Bereavement fucking blows.
Posted by The Bunny at 5:37 PM