A crisis averted - February 20, 2007

Last night I sent a four flusher into the New York City septic system. That's right, four flushes...and a little bit of plunging.

Now. I suppose I could say that this particular creature was of a consistency and shape that's not easily flushed, that I got a bad lie, or the wind was off, or the water was too cold, etc. But really, if I'm being honest--and around here I'm honest to a fault or the blog sucks!--it wasn't a case of, oops...the log went sideways. You know when that happens? There's an unlucky twisting of the shit, and it sort of goes sideways, breaks in half and gets stuck in the pipes? Yeah, it wasn't that. It was a matter of pure, unadulterated poundage. I felt bad for not calling the department of public works to let them know it was on the way. It was that large.

I was shocked. I felt so butchy and gross, so masculated (is that a word?) Perhaps it was a cumulative affect, the comfortable shoe/black shirt outfit I've been favoring since I got off the plane, and of course all the pussy I've been eating. I just felt...over-butched.

Well I jumped into the shower immediately and scrubbed the butch off me like I'd been raped by Rosie O'Donnell or something.

scrub
scrub
scrub
i did and
clean
i could not get

need
deep
dicking

I spent an hour in there, till the water went luke. I shaved everything (not my head) I scrubbed and buffed and pumiced and smoothed, till I was no longer the rogueish, rough-hewn Bunny of January 2007, but a new and better Bunny, one who smells of lavender and weighs five pounds less. I got out of the shower and toweled off. Lubed everything up and put on a silk nightie. I felt so much better.

But I'll shit again. I know I will.

Posted by The Bunny at 5:32 AM

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Loving the honesty Bunny :D

Posted by: Rachel at February 20, 2007 09:01 AM

I think the word you were looking for is de-feminized, though I like masculated better. But I like scrubbed-shiny, lavender-smelling, silk-nightie Bunny best of all.

Posted by: jolie at February 20, 2007 09:27 AM

VOMIT!

Posted by: KungFu Mike at February 20, 2007 10:34 AM

Dear Bunny,
Could you please post more about eating pussy? In fact, it would be great if you could devote special emphasis to this theme. Eager to hear your response.

Sincerely yours,
Your admirers

Posted by: Pseudonym at February 20, 2007 11:03 AM

Tucker, that is the funniest thing you've written in a long time.

Posted by: Luke at February 20, 2007 11:30 AM

I feel lucky to have shared a sewer system with you.

Posted by: Ryan at February 20, 2007 12:55 PM

I love the fact that fucktards don't pay attention to who actually posts things...

In any case, good story Tucker!

Bunny Edit:Yeah, Tucker writes prose a lot, doesn't he. Sounds just like him, except that it was me. I was logged in as Tucker because I had to make some edits to one of the Rudius sites and his panel is Admin.

Posted by: Wildthang at February 20, 2007 06:49 PM

Only you could write something like this and get me aroused at the same time.

Posted by: Dave at February 21, 2007 07:37 AM

Good God Almighty. You're the Antichrist!

Posted by: He Whose Name Shall Not Be Mentioned at February 23, 2007 07:15 PM

i once had a double flusher on a airplane. i was impressed. all that suction couldn't take down my baby. when the log hit the bowl i think the pilot announced that we had hit turbulence and the masks fell from the ceiling.

Posted by: j at March 3, 2007 06:38 PM

Ok, I've just spent the last 15 minutes laughing so hard that tears stream down my face and the only sound that comes out of my mouth is a hybrid of weezing and squeaking. I laughed so hard the people I'm staying with in Italy woke from their nap to come investigate the source of the crazy noises, only to find me curled up on my bed, looking like Jenny McCarthy on the cover of Dirty Love, except a little more jovial. I think it was the Rosie O'Donnell comment that got me...or J's comment about the airplane shit...oh sweet Enola Gay

Posted by: Kshizzle at June 27, 2008 08:15 AM

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