A Nice Dinner - November 4, 2005

So I'm sitting at a Greek restaurant down the street from my apartment. It's Saturday night, and Soylent Green is with me, booming instead of speaking, and harassing the waitstaff, the kind of base confidence that comes from killing people for a living. He and some friends are staying at my apartment for the weekend. It's perhaps six o'clock in the evening. I'm sipping a dirty martini. The rest are drinking red sangria and talking about their adventures.

The subject of anal penetration comes up, and all the boys grimace and guffaw. Before I can stop myself I say, "You men are full of shit. You love a little ass play, and you know it." A few of the closer nuclear families turn and look our way. Luckily, no real harm is done. I sip more of my delicious vodka/olive juice beverage.

But Soylent has been drinking all day long, and he is a tad belligerent. His response to me is this:
"LET ME TELL YA, YOU SHOVE A PINKY UP THAT MOTHERFUCKER AND I FUCKIN COME LIKE A..."
Bunny: "Shhhhhhh!!!! Oh my God."

He just bellowed it, shouted it. Each table turns and makes that face which signifies we are assholes. We probably are, so it is warranted. We take note and sort of quietly chat for a half hour. Then one of Soylent's buddies brings up my fisting story.
Soylent: "I never read it."
Bunny: "Really? You should. Its fine literature."
Soylent: "Wanna hear a good fisting story?"

I consider the atmosphere and Soylent's drunkenness. I open my mouth to say "No," but my curiosity is piqued.

Bunny: "Sure."
Soylent: [loudly] "So, I meet this girl and she's pretty cute. She looks like... her [points to a respectable looking mommy the next table over]. She wants to fuck, so we go back to her place.

The respectable mommy's jaw drops.

Soylent: "So we get naked and she gives me great head, I mean fuckin great head, but she stops right before I come. She gets up and goes into the kitchen. Now I'm thinking she's one of those girls that has to lick the coolwhip off your balls or something and I'm annoyed. I just wanna bust a nut, right?"

Families stare in shock.

Soylent: [laughing] "She comes back with this bottle of Wesson, and she says, 'Put this on.' And I'm like 'Can't we just use regular lube?' But she likes Wesson better because it lasts longer or something. So I take the cap off and start to pour some on my dick and she says, 'No! Not there. On your hand.' So I stick my finger in the bottle. She says 'No, your WHOLE hand.'"

Forks clang onto plates.

Soylent: "So I pour this shit over my right hand. She's all bent over , touching herself, so I guess that means she wants me to finger her. So I stick a finger in her pussy and she asks for another one. I stick two in and she wants three. I stick three in and she wants four, and just when I think we're done, she says, 'Stick your thumb in.' I put it in her, but it doesn't fit cause she's not that big. I'm thinking this has to fucking hurt, but she loves it. She's grinding all around and yelling 'HARDER! HARDER!'"

It is silent in the restaurant. Soylent Green has the stage, though he doesn't realize it. Women are pushing their plates aside, appetites gone. Soylent continues.

Soylent: "So I'm fuckin punching this chick in the pussy and she says, 'Now make a fist.'"

He makes a fist with his right hand, and the universal symbol for pussy with his left. He then jams his fist in the pussy hole. It makes a slamming noise. He does this over and over.

Soylent: "I'm punching, I'm punching, and then all of sudden I hear 'POP' and my fist goes through!" [pops his fist through].

Restaurant patron: "Oh! My god."

Soylent: "And she rides that motherfucker like she's possessed. She had to have come about ten fucking times. And then I pull out and, get this! Now I can fuck her. Bitch, you shoulda let me in there before it got all stretched out!"

The check comes to the table. Hastily.

Posted by The Bunny at 12:15 PM

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Posted by: starforbram at November 4, 2005 02:21 PM

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