A White Trash Christmas Card - December 23, 2007

I'm broke.

Christmas can be tough when you're broke. You can't fly home. You have no money for gifts--depending on the level of brokeness you've achieved, trinkets for "strapped", baubles for "spent", nothing for "college broke." And that's what I am, "college broke."

This year, the only thing I had left to give was a poor white trash Christmas card. I would've loved to get physical gifts, as I'm thirty, and shouldn't be living like I'm college. You know, some sweater sets for the ladies, a tie for dad. I don't know. Something physical and useful.

To compensate, I worked pretty hard on my white trash Christmas card, and when it was finished, the total worth of the card @ illustration rate was approximately one-hundred sweater sets and fifty two ties. Fuckin' A, that's a lot of work, I thought. So I've decided to share it with everyone.

* * *

Here we have Maxie. The true manipulative Maxie, not the sweet Maxie she pretends to be. She is saying: In the spirit of this thrifty (read: poor white trash) Christmas, mother has sent me, Maxie (trademark--she trademarks all her IP) to bring you the (free) gift of humor. I suppose I am wildly funny as well as beautiful. (Ravishing, really).

And so it is that I present to you, my beloved family (with money), a few of my fave jokes...the punchlines to which I'm sure you will recognize. Without further ado...

Joke 1, Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer: Because there was an even bigger piece of chicken on the other side.

Here we have Murph being an idiot and causing an accident in the roadway for a discarded piece of KFC. Maxie is clearly appalled.

Joke 2, Question: What's black and white and red all over?

Answer: Murph and a bottle of ketchup.

Here we have Murph clutching a yummy treat with her signature "I'm fucked" face. Her tail is thumping into the carpet. All that's missing from the scene is the puddle of piss that will soon be emitted from her pee hole.

Joke 3: Knock, knock
[Who's there?]
Orange
[Orange who?]
Orange ya glad you don't own Murph?

Here we have Murph enjoying a mud pit. She won't come out until she's black as a seal.

Final Question: What's ravishing and doesn't want to become trailer trash?

And here we have Maxie, turning on her inner actress. She's forever soliciting.

Merry Christmas. Hope you laughed at my dogs. They're funny as hell to me.

xoxo,
Bunny

Posted by The Bunny at 1:38 PM

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Comments

Merry Christmas Bunny!

Your dogs (and drawings) are fabulous in every way.

Posted by: Jess at December 23, 2007 02:29 PM

incredible, just like the woman who dreamed them up and made them a reality. merry christmas beautiful bunny!!

Posted by: jolie at December 23, 2007 04:31 PM

These are great fun to look at.
It makes me miss your other header.
Bring that back!
Hang in there, sensitive and talented lady.

Posted by: shelley at December 23, 2007 06:15 PM

You did that? All of that?

Posted by: Wayland at December 23, 2007 08:19 PM

Merry Christmas, Bunny!

I really love your art, so thanks for sharing more of it with us.

You ever think of putting out a line of greeting cards?

Posted by: Argent at December 23, 2007 10:19 PM

Bunny brilliance strikes again. Merry Xmas, pumpkin. I miss your dimples.

Posted by: D Money at December 24, 2007 12:37 AM

The chicken, hereinafter refered to as "poultry" undertook crossing to get the, unless otherwise stated, opposite side of the aforementioned roadway.

Love the drawings, have a Merry Christmas Bun!

Posted by: DolceBella at December 24, 2007 05:11 AM

Awww! So cute! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Posted by: LabExperiment at December 24, 2007 10:36 AM

Your talent as an artist is equal to your talent as a writer, and that's saying a lot! Thanks for a year's worth of wonderful reading. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Posted by: The Scolai at December 24, 2007 10:43 AM

Merry Christmas from a broke as hell guy in Amsterdam. Great drawings.

Posted by: Menno at December 24, 2007 11:11 AM

Hell, I'd take that over a tie any day. Just because you can't wear it doesn't mean your time, effort, and talent isn't worth something.

Posted by: Logan at December 24, 2007 12:37 PM

I wish I had ever received a card so ineffably, unexplainably cool.

Merry Christmas Bunny, Maxie and The Cretin.

Posted by: Soren at December 24, 2007 01:42 PM

WOW. Menno is totally right...a gift like that IS worth something. I hope you're not ashamed of giving that instead of a "normal" gift. Your art is great! This is so not white trash.

Posted by: robin at December 25, 2007 04:51 AM

Those cards are simply amazing. Wow.

Posted by: GMan at December 26, 2007 02:14 PM

Holy shit- I usually do the "create a cool xmas gift" thing but that was simply spectacular!

Posted by: CMY at December 26, 2007 05:00 PM

Merry Christmas! LOVED the card - so cool!

Posted by: Wubbie at December 26, 2007 06:29 PM

Hi Bunny,

Happy Christmas, love those cards. I have a question/favor. I know you have mentioned many times that you have blackout rage. Well, as I learned on Christmas, it appears that I do as well. It was really bad. I know I'm crazy and everything but that's never happened before. I did some brief googling and turned up empty handed. I am hoping you can tell me where I might find more information about this? I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

Posted by: Lemmy at December 27, 2007 08:33 AM

beautiful!!

Posted by: k at December 27, 2007 09:04 AM

Bunny, I have enjoyed your blog for a while now and I don't usually post any comments. I just want to tell you that you are a really talented writer and an excellent artist! Have a great new year!

Posted by: Tim at December 27, 2007 03:54 PM

I'm telling you, a Bunny Line of greeting cards. It'll be a gold mine!

Posted by: Argent at December 27, 2007 07:03 PM

My dad is a painter. He think's he's not a painter because he was 45 before he took it up as a hobby, and he's never really satisfied with a piece and it's only paint on canvas that's not worth anything.

Strangely, everyone, and I do mean every single person, who knows my dad, asks him for one of his paintings for birthdays/christmas/etc. He is fucking amazing. We started the trend when we asked for one painting that we loved, and he was stunned that someone would want his worthless piece of trash. He was stunned when 2/3rds of the trash in his house was snapped up by the first people to ask for it when the realised that asking might be possible.

He still insists that his art is worthless and won't give it as a gift unless he's giving something else that's worth while with it.

I'd rather have one of his paintings then almost anything he could concievably buy me. I think just about everyone else who knows him feels the same way.

On a simmilar note - I think I would do many, many bad things to own a Bunny original. I can't think of many concievable christmas presents that would be better then that card.

Posted by: Scootah at December 27, 2007 11:50 PM

infinitely better then what my sister gave me - aka a water bottle (admittedly pretty cool with the crazy skull on it) and a terrible picture of my nephew (terrible because its from a portrait photographer with no talent)

either way great work

Posted by: tobias at December 28, 2007 04:40 AM

funny, reminds me of my pup / my christmas. anyways, read the blog a lot, but been away out of country for a while. Any word on the book?

Posted by: JT at January 11, 2008 05:59 PM

That picture with the ketchup bottle is fucking precious.

Posted by: gravyboat at January 24, 2008 10:18 PM