BunnySis Loses Weight/Piece of Soul
My sister has been working out pretty hard lately. She's always been on the thin side, one of those sickening ectomorphs, with svelte limbs and no belly. She has that natural dancer's build. The bitch.
However, lately we've seen a consistent reduction in BunnySis mass. I knew there was no cause for alarm. I've watched my sister do this all her life, the up and down, up and down, control and relax thing. Whenever she's feeling stressed out or depressed about something she goes on a three-hundred-calorie per day diet of foods laden with MSG. It's something like 'one bag of health-smart microwave popcorn with rubbery fat-free butter spray, and a six pack of diet coke;' all chemistry. She then works out like a madwoman. Though she is interviewing for positions in Chicago, she still lives in Tampa. Considering this, a significant weight loss is to be expected. This is a place where 'Fear Factor' passes for great art. This is a place where I once heard as an argument for George W. Bush being "like totally the best president ever," the following statement: "You guys you guys, shut up and listen...One tiny bomb could kill a small town."
So when I picked her up from the train station, and it appeared as if she would blow away with a stiff breeze, I wasn't surprised. Later, while changing so that we could grab half a spinach salad at the Italian place down the street, I was surprised. The weight loss was worse than I had thought. She even had back ribs.
I scolded her a bit, but she didn't seem to hear it. Once she's made her mind up, there's little you can do to convince a female Tyler of anything. If she thinks there are ninjas in the bushes, then it is so.
The next day, BunnySis and I went shopping. We hit up a boutique on Clark St, where BunnySis bought a hot shirt that only a bone could wear. The cut and colors were perfect for her. Both Keith, the gay Bahamian sales clerk, and I agreed. Though Keith said he thought he looked better in it the last time he had it on.
She wore the hot top out that night with a pair of size 2-long jeans. I kept thinking, add a few cheeseburgers, and she's stunning, but I didn't judge. I like a lot of junk in my trunk. You don't think I'm ready for this jelly? You think wrong, bitch.
At a bar in Lincoln Park, we drank many vodka sodas, and while I had a blast chatting with Assyrians who seemed like wild beasts to me, BunnySis flirted with a sexy black guy.
Later in the night: "Bunny...that black guy I was talking to is a coke dealer. So if you ever want any, just call him."
Bunny: "Okay, thanks."
A couple hours later, I was tired of learning Arameic. It delighted me for a bit that I was learning from someone who was using the language of Christ to get a piece of ass. But not even that held my attention. After I had played successful matchmaker to everyone but myself, I had nothing else to do. My friends made out with each other, and I became rather lonely. I decided to go chat with the coke dealer guy.
Bunny: [uncouth as usual] "So you're a dealer, eh?"
Black Guy: "Huh?"
Bunny: "You deal coke, right? That's what my sister told me."
Black Guy: "Wha? Which girl was your sister?"
Bunny: "The tall one with the cool shirt."
Black Guy: "Oh yeah. No, I don't deal. I just wanted to do some coke, and she looked like a cokewhore."
Bunny: "What!?"
Black Guy: "She's so skinny, I thought she did coke."
I relayed this story to BunnySis. She said, "Let's go to MacDonald's."
Comments
Poor bunnysis! Haha, I guess it's kind of funny that she finally got convinced to stop losing weight like that, even though it was done in quite a crude manner.
People and their assumptions...
Posted by: Lars ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.thebunnyblog.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 9, 2005 11:30 AM
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