Did you ever... - March 12, 2007

..cum so hard your asshole hurt? I mean, you came really, really hard? So hard there was excessive spasming or something, and your sphincter clamped down and wouldn't let up. That happened to me a few nights ago. I got sort of overexcited. I came so hard my ass went on lockdown for nearly twenty minutes.

And I thought, "That's not cool." What if I was having anal sex? I could've decockitated the guy. Imagine that. And then an even worse thought occurred to me: that there might be limits to sexual pleasure. Of course, I sat around and thought about it for, like, an obscene amount of time. Perhaps God only lets us come so hard. Perhaps there are pleasure boundaries not meant to be crossed, and when the wires are tripped, God clamps down our assholes. Perhaps pleasure isn't all its cracked up to be, and we should experience it in careful moderation, resensitizing our nervous system and skin and penises and clitorises to simple pleasures every so often instead of callousing our sense monitors with an escalating pattern of piggish, fuck glory, eventual cum gluttony and the Clap. Could sex be better when you don't have it so often?

And then my whole week was just totally ruined.

Posted by The Bunny at 11:06 PM

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Sometimes I like to take the day off to drink wine, watch porn, and masturbate profusely. My clit will be sore for days, but it's always worth it. Don't be discouraged, Bunny!

Posted by: LilaChicaD at March 13, 2007 12:50 AM

Have you come so hard you are constipated for days? It happens to me when I get laid (since it is really not often at all, I probably get excited like a virgin schoolgirl) It is painful. My sphincter hurts, and my after and intestines clamp. You are not alone. A bi friend of mine told me the only good thing about sex with men is that it is a great laxative... Lucky some. Yeah, probably Mr God designed those sweet bits to procreate once a month in a much relaxed modus... Or I need to get laid more often.

Posted by: toegh at March 13, 2007 05:12 AM

Unfortunately, I have a hard time "achieving" during regular intercourse with a man. So, the answer is no. But my new boyfriend is unfuckingbelievable in bed, so there's still hope. Seriously. He is so good it scares me a little.

Posted by: M at March 13, 2007 06:19 AM

treat the afflicted area with cortisone cream. you'll be back to fucking like a bunny (ha!) in no time.

Posted by: jolie at March 13, 2007 07:32 AM

Decockitated! Ahahahaha Bunny, you HAVE GOT to trademark that shit, yo!

Posted by: Cathy at March 13, 2007 04:05 PM

I love that word... decockitated!

Damn what the heck would someone have to do to get that level of excitement? Granted, this is coming from an asexual scientist-in-training who's slowly turning into a redneck archer...

Posted by: RecurveHawk at March 13, 2007 10:56 PM

Update: I achieved!! Not quite on the same asshole-clenching plane, but pretty darn close. The things this man does to my body...shock and awe, baby. Shock and awe. I think he was a lesbian in a previous life.

Ever have someone go down on you and it's so good you almost can't stand it, and you squirm involuntarily to the point that you actually fall off the bed?

Sigh.

Posted by: M at March 14, 2007 08:58 AM

Good god! Grats to you M though!

Maybe I should try to get laid before I go completely asexual... what yields better results though, male or female? I'm female btw... at least last time I checked, didn't have anything dangling between my legs and I still have an extra hole down there.

Posted by: RecurveHawk at March 17, 2007 04:13 PM

It is my opinion that she made up the word "decockitated" perhaps while dropping a deuce, perhaps not, then wrote an entry in which this word could be put to use.

Posted by: Cheeselog at March 19, 2007 02:09 PM

you better post this... well... at least read it...

two things:

one - the funny part of the post = 'God clamps down our assholes.'
two - i mean talk about a set-up... 'm' with her 24 hr miracle man... one day it never happens... hope for 24 hrs, and bam... orgasm... i'm skeptical...

ps - i always wonder where our words go... hmm...

Posted by: jtarin at May 6, 2009 08:35 AM

you better post this... well... at least read it...

two things:

ps - i always wonder where our words go... hmm...

Posted by: jtarin at May 6, 2009 08:35 AM

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