The second half of my present was the best half. Tucker took me to a store my friend Gigi recommended to us called "The Honeysuckle," so that I could pick out a vibrator. In the store, Tucker and I admired the many brands of vibrators, anal intruders and dildos offered. We decided on the "Rabbit," the vibrator featured in an episode of Sex in the City, for obvious and ironic reasons. It was purple rubber with a rotating head and swirling pearls midshaft, with a little protruding bunny clit rubber. It had a myriad of adjustable speeds for both the shaft and the bunny. I was beside myself with glee. I couldn't help screaming "THIS IS THE BEST EASTER EVER!" as I left the store with my rabbit. I'm so glad Jesus came back to life.

On the way to Circuit City, where Tucker purchased his movie, I broke out the "Rabbit" and fired it up. There in the Circuit City parking garage, I had the loudest and most intense orgasm of my life. I even hit my leg on the dashboard of my Ford Contour, but the intensity was such, I didn't feel a thing.

I decided to have two more orgasms at Circuit City, and with the variable speeds it was no problem. I had two more orgasms on North Ave., and one on Elston. I was gearing up for an orgasm on Division when Tucker pulled up next to a bus and began laughing. There on the bus was a very amused black man, who was announcing to the bus that I was masturbating. All the passengers were turning and leering at me as I was trying to shut down the rabbit and retrou. This proved difficult and slippery. So there I was, half naked on Division with a purple dildo swirling in my hands and half the riders of an entire CTA bus looking at my bunny hole.

I'll admit, I was embarrassed. The only bad thing is that I can't put this thing down. Just ask my upstairs roommate. This isn't so problematic, as at the end of each usage I am a happy happy rabbit. It truly is the best Easter ever.

Update: I have now seen "Touching the Void," and must say it is an excellent movie, one that makes me feel fat, lazy and whiny because it is a documentary about a mountain climber who overcomes insurmountable odds stacked against him. Now I will go back upstairs and touch my own void many times. This is the best Easter ever.