Blog aside, I hope you had a great birthday.

And don't worry about being crazy, everyone goes it at some point of their life...

feel better, bunny. i hope some happier birthday things happened.

i still like you......

*gives you a big hug*

Aww, Bunny, that made me so sad! :( I hope you at least feel somewhat better getting all that out. I don't know what else to say except you'll be in my thoughts hon!

hypomania?

Two things. First, I'm sure you've been loved. Don't necessarily know how many people have loved you in a healthy supportive way, but you project being a vibrant person and people react to that.

Secondly - I strongly recommend that you change your taste in music. Sometimes the stuff that you can like and feel moved by when you're focusing on it can depress the shit out of you and take your emotional compass way off course if you just have it on as something you're tuning out somewhat.

Also ... "That was a time I wholeheartedly accepted the crazy. I was like, this is going to happen. I am going to unravel, for it is time. I am going to make insanity happen for me, because I'm not up for sanity any longer." - absolutely awesome :) Conveys where you were in your head perfectly.

That is probably the most honest, raw thing I have read in a long time.
Having witnessed the dance of the razorblade, I thank you for your voice...the one I could never find.
And, happy belated birthday.

hang in there - if i knew you i would love you

I hit myself on the head all the time when I am angry (with myself, with my wife, with my life). It's not a pretty sight. The trick is to try to avoid using the knuckles when you are doing it. If you don't let the knuckles touch the head, the pain in your fingers usually snaps you back out of your anger...

A bit of sleep also helps... Usually for two or three days straight.

I punch my face in every year for my Birthday, too. It's really cathartic.

Hang in there Bunny!

I caught this article today and thought of my favorite lil bi-blogger.

http://www.scientificblogging.com/news_releases/study_bisexuality_in_women_not_just_a_college_experimental_phase

You need a hug. Or full-frontal. Either way, shit like this happens to everyone. We all snap and go FUCK!!! at somepoint. Jumping someone and humping them into a stupidhappy orgasm works pretty well, and you can always use the temporary insanity excuse...

Damn that sucks. I went crazy last night after they told me in court I had to go to trial for a traffic violation. My crazy involved spending money I didn't have, getting told I COULDN't leave a strip club! Apparently, I was too drunk. They actually escorted me back inside!. I've been thrown out but never told I couldn't leave. Then sleeping in my car in the parking lot of said strip club and waking up (still in my car) with 15 minutes to get to work.

So as I type I am sitting in my office, wearing the same clothes as last night and I smell like a stripper.
Was it a full moon?
Must've been.

Wow, what an intense episode. I'm sorry to hear it happened and hope you start feeling better soon.

You should treat yourself to a great meal and a massage today, it sounds like you could use a little pampering.

Oh, and Bunny, the next time you want to point a car on 5 why not try heading north, the Bay Area is looking lovely at this time of year.

I still have a little scar on my knuckle from the first time I punched an inanimate object in anger after taking boxing lessons. I was always a decent grappler, but I hadn't learned to throw a decent punch untill quite late in life - and the sudden shock at seeing my fucked up hand drove home the point that steel filing cabinets were not good things to punch.

sounds pretty weak

Ok bunny, being with Tucker is one step of insanity, two would be hitting yourself in the head. I knew a crazy lady when I was 5 who used to do that and it still gives me the creeps! I love you, your wonderful, get a grip bitch! Im moving to la in one month and I would love to meet you. No stalkerism intended. Im a publicist!

Please take care of yourself, and please "see someone who can help". Cuddle the dogs more, get some sun, and be ok with yourself.

God you must be awesome in bed. Bat-shiat crazy always is.

I was going to say something supportive. . . I just couldn't at first. . . This is the first time I really worried about you after reading one of your posts.

Oh, dearheart Bunny - This post of yours reminded me of something --
A couple years ago I totally lost it in a literally blinding miasma of crazy-tears, just went utterly batshit for a good hour or longer, and when the storm hit me I'd been steadily driving ninety or so on the 110 out of Pasadena at like 2:00 AM exactly. You know, that windy-ass stretch of police and drunk driver-infested road between leaving South Pas and getting to the 5 connect.

The STORM, that hurricane of tears and emotions, christ it was blinding. I could NOT see a damn thing, no control at all, could not think, could not reason, was utterly overwhelmed by these viciously cruel relentless tauntings coming from my own mind to me. And then the tears and snot! It was like a physiological freak thing; there's just no way that that much water can come out of a human face, I swear that's what they mean by cry me a goddamn river. And swamp. Swamp-river. anyway...

Well, I didn't punch myself, though, at least I don't think I did... Barely managed to pull off at some exit without either fatally wrecking or getting pulled over. I can't remember how long I sat there going nuts all alone in that fucking parked car that night.

Yeah. So anyway. I just wanted to let you know you're not entirely alone, Bunny, on the sudden-onset total-nervous-breakdown-on-the-freeway thing.

Bunny, remember -- Keep your head up, keep your beautiful, artistic, wildly intelligent, sensitive, strong, profoundly gifted head up. Those fucked-up self-hating words are grotesquely wrong in every single way.

Love ya, bella...

Hello? That is not Bunny writing. It's clearly Tucker writing as Bunny.

Really, guys? Just cuz I've been saving all the good material for my opus doesn't mean I haven't been crazy all along. You're sweet tho.

Kisses,
Buns

That's what Tucker is there for - headpunches.

could this be a reaction to your 31st birthday?

We all need to go a little crazy sometimes.

I know you probably don't believe me, but I loved you and blew it.

Feel better? Yeah, I never did either.
For all that fury and turmoil, we deserve some clarity, some resolve. If it comes, it's short-lived. They truly are hurricanes. They leave me even more drained and more bewildered. Emotional pain so virulent, I've wished it were fatal. Oddly, nothing is washed away. I've had them since I was 20, realized they were a problem at 27. I've been working to overcome them for nearly 4 years now. When they do get me, I feel like a failure for giving in. They are not merely "a good cry" and as about as cathartic as a plate of cold eggs. They're like an abandoned orphan's temper tantrums.

That's just silly. How could people NOT love you?