Intermission - February 19, 2008

I went to lunch with Tucker a few days ago, and I asked him if he ever had shit bubbles race a poop to the asshole, and pinch like hell when they passed the log.

He said, "No! No, Bunny. Not ever." And he made a peculiar face when he said it which could have had to do with hearing more about the oddity that is my colon, but also could have been about me bringing up poop just as he was about to stuff a chicken wing in his mouth. I have a talent for that. When I'm out to lunch with a friend I feel comfy with--and I swear it's compulsive--I will randomly think of poop, vomit, herpes, etc., and without doing any sort of common-courtesy filtering, I'll just blurt out something like, "This one time, in college, this girl came on my face and I nearly puked."

"Whadya mean you never had pinchy shit bubbles? You're a liar. We've all had pinchy shit bubbles."
"Bunny, I have never had pinchy shit bubbles."
"Are you serious? I don't believe you."
"Bunny, your colon is ridiculous. I don't take big, hard donkey shits like you, so I don't have pinchy shit bubbles, okay? Can I eat?"

A part of me believes him, but the other part of me thinks pinchy shit bubbles are a fact of life. My foundations are rocked.

Posted by The Bunny at 3:12 AM

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i love you.

Posted by: jake at February 19, 2008 08:39 AM

Yeah pinching poop bubbles suck. When they're happening my whole body seizes with the pain and I can't move. Maybe you need more fiber because I definitely do. I also poop bricks.

Posted by: poopstoomuch at February 19, 2008 10:15 AM

LOL Bunny, c'mon wtf.

Posted by: Wayland at February 19, 2008 10:40 AM

I love you. I wish more of my friends were like you. My one friend always follows up how we made out with..."But it was just to get some guys to leave us alone!" suuure. Whatever.

Posted by: Mandi at February 19, 2008 10:45 AM

You're right, they're a part of life. And dammit, they're uncomfortable.

Posted by: Danielle at February 19, 2008 11:05 AM

Hey bunny,

I don't have pinchy shit bubbles either, but I've got fluid shit the next morning... We're all weird in our own little ways ;-)

White Satyr

Posted by: White Satyr at February 19, 2008 11:43 AM

I think giant (diameter) poops are worse than shit bubbles. I'd prefer the pinch over feeling like I ripped something.

Posted by: Bailey at February 19, 2008 01:29 PM

I have never had pinchy shit bubbles and im slightly glad I havent, but then again im slightly jealous because I havent had the experience.

Posted by: peterc at February 19, 2008 02:19 PM

Imagining Tucker say 'pinchy shit bubbles' aloud is hilarious, to say the least.
But throwing up when girls cum on your face? Do they taste THAT bad? Suddenly college doesn't look too appealing anymore...

Posted by: A at February 19, 2008 02:58 PM

I too have experienced pinchy shit bubbles, though they are rare. Tucker must be lying.

Posted by: Pete at February 19, 2008 03:56 PM

Sorry crazy-ass, I've never heard of em.

Posted by: Andrew at February 19, 2008 06:09 PM

i feel you, bunny. i couldn't stop talking about this blow job i gave to some underage tehranian immigrant in the bathroom at my friend's bar when it dawned on me that the intricacies of my blow job skills might be inappropriate dinner conversation. i blame the chardonnay...

Posted by: kate at February 19, 2008 09:38 PM

I think the folks who say they've never had them just don't use the same terms as you, Bunny. That or they always have a toilet on hand so they're never trying to hold one back when they're trapped in traffic half way between work and home.

Posted by: Argent at February 19, 2008 10:59 PM

As someone who makes no claim to be on your level of shitting....yes, me too. And I feel like it has to be a universal fact of life.

Posted by: MoreCowbell at February 20, 2008 01:56 AM

I call it the "beer shits", but really you could call it the "booze shits". I have to shit at least a half a dozen times the morning after having more than a couple of drinks the night before. And if I try to hold it in, the gas bubbles in my colon hurt like a motherfucker. Luckily my boyfriend has become accustomed to the fact that I fart all day long and thinks it's funny, so I don't have to hold in those painful farts anymore.

Posted by: LilaChicaD at February 20, 2008 05:54 PM

Whenever a friend of mine tells me they don't feel good, or are sick, I've gotten into the habit of saying, "Well, didja poop?" One of my friends has gotten into the habbit of responding, "I swear to God, when you have kids, and one of them breaks their arm and says 'Mommy it hurts!' you're gonna say 'Well, didja poop?'"

And having more to do with this blog that made me think of that, let your foundation be rocked, I've never had this horrible sounding experience.

Posted by: H-q at March 25, 2008 12:50 AM