Meet my New Friend Zach - March 19, 2005
Some people wait for the fun to come to them. Some people go out and get the fun. Others ARE the fun. This is true of my new friend Zach Albarran.
Zach is a very large, very manic Mexican guy with a rock-star liver. The founder of the Chicago Bombsquad, a group of hard drinking people I assume, he is pure sunshine. Dysfunctional, crazed, manic sunshine.
I met him at the last Tanked for the Troops soiree. He comforted me when I tried to claw Tucker's eyes out for being infantile. "Comforted" meaning he held me around the waist while I Tazmanian-Deviled and roared obscenities at the fucker. Sometimes I lose I my patience with my precious Gorilla, which is also infantile.
I had called Zach a few times since that night, but we had never managed to get together. He'd taken a new job, which sucked up all his time, and I went to California for a month. Last week, we decided to get together on St. Patrick's Day. I showed up at Durkin's around 4pm, and was immediately given two jagerbombs and a big sweaty kiss on the cheek. Zach was wearing a green bomber hat and a shirt that read "And you thought this day was going to be normal?"
I could write funny things about the scene, the people, Zach's antics, but nothing was truly remarkable about any of them. It would sound like an excerpt from an old story. But there was this one funny thing.
Zach and I were staggeringly drunk, and decided to go across the street to a Dunkin Donuts and get sandwiches. Zach was speaking in tongues at this point and ordered his sandwich as so, "So I was thinking I want, so two shots, Gin I think, and I want EXTRA cheese on that." We managed to order something, I don't remember what, and then sat down next to a mother and her two quiet children. Zach began speaking to the little boy. His name was Adam, and he had just gotten back from a soccer game. He was very polite while Zach joked with him. He just sat quietly and ate a bagel.
The mother told us it was his birthday. Well Zach, being the nicest guy, jumped up and ran to the counter of the Baskin Robbin's that shared the space. He pulled an ice cream cake out of the freezer and had "Happy B-day Adam," written onto it with that weird gelatinous frosting. Adam's mother protested, "He can't have sweets." Zach ignored her. He brought the cake over to the table, and upon seeing this, Adam jumped up from his chair and began to convulse. He was bouncing and clapping, making strange gurgling noises and chirps. Clearly, Adam was a retarded child.
His mother thanked Zach profusely, and Zach, not even realizing the kid was retarded said "Now Adam, make sure your sister gets some share, with that, and that cake with your sister, okay buddy!"
Then we passed out in a cab. What an awesome guy.
Posted by at 9:29 PM
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