Midget Bigot - July 26, 2004
I got an Email on Friday night from one of my favorite people. It was a link to site where pregnant women could show off their stretch marks.
The sender of that E-mail, was a woman from NYC named "The Real Midget Bigot." This woman should be worshipped for her unrelenting determination to follow any fantasy.
From her web site:
Things I am embarrassed by but not enough to keep to myself:
- I can bite my own toenails and have done so on occasion.
- During the summer my feet smell like Fritos.
- Most the scars on my body are from my own stupidity.
- I love musicals
- I have a collection of tiaras, including but not limited to ones to work in, ones to sleep in and one to take bubble baths in
- I am abnormally proud when I outwit the cat
- During my short lived punk rock stage I used to spit on people. I miss those times.
- I've stolen candy from a child.
- When Killer & I go to the zoo we stand in the biggest group of children we can find. Light up and then talk about how cool and glamorous smoking is.
- I once talked my brother into eating dried dog shit by telling him it was divinity.
- I once auctioned off [my] girlfriend when she passed out at the bar.
- At my first funeral I poked the body so hard I dented his head.
- My favorite killing fantasy is to beat someone to death with a stiletto shoe.
- I've never once gone into a McDonald's and not gotten in an argument.
- I like to rent animal mascot costumes and go out drinking in them.
- I once made out with my future boss during the interview process.
- I had a pet rabbit named Tar Baby.
- As a child every night I would pop off Barbie's head and stick it on a ice cream stick. I would then prop it by my bed as a warning to all the other dolls to behave while I slept.
- I fall out of bed at least once a night.
- Josie and the Pussycats are one the major influences in my life.
- In a fit of pique I used a butcher knife to saw off the lid to a midol bottle.
- Had a Messiah complex and only went out with men who looked like Jesus and would strike a crucifixion pose as asked.
Posted by at 8:29 PM
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Comments
OMFG! ROTFLMAO! Seriously though...I decided to read all of your blogs going as far back as I could...that is some * REALLY * funny shit!
Posted by: ncgreg231 at March 25, 2009 11:32 AM
