My Personal Relationships
My sister has this friend. He's funny and well-intentioned, has a good job and likes his life. He's totally unremarkable, and yet, happy. Profoundly happy all the time, and though I like to look at people like that and say something snotty and baseless like "ignorance is bliss," the truth is, I couldn't be more jealous.
He came to visit my sister a few weeks ago, and hung out with my friends. He found us all to be charming, because we are, dynamic, because we are, and wholly dysfunctional. Well...
Before he left, he said something along the lines of, "That's a fucked up bunch of people, I tell ya," and then made a joke, drank a coke and flew merrily merrily home to watch episodes of Baywatch Hawaii on his big screen television. I'm sure he didn't give us a second thought, what with the bouncing boobs and all.
But he bores me, and this is why: I am a dropped pot, crazy-glued back together. It is embarrassing to be so obviously broken, and then so obviously glued together, so I surround myself with people who are going through the same thing. I don't like our little crew to be infiltrated by an unblemished surface. Why do they go home early? Why don't they hate religion? Why are they so peaceful?
I'm a collector of broken people. Everyone around me is messed up for one reason or another, usually because they had a troublesome childhood, parents who were bad, abusive or soulless.
I don't intentionally do this. Its more about attraction than anything else, a lunar magnetism that nature enacted to keep the crazies from the regulars. If there is a bruised soul in the room, I'm drawn to it instantly. We meet, and then we chat and discover little about each other, because we already know each other very well, pick at our scabs, make unrealistic criticisms about the majority and drink till we puke. When I am around my broken friends, I'm comfortable. There is a sort of unspoken camraderie. We're calm because no one is going to get up and do anything perfunctory in the morning, like go to a normal job, wash and wax their car, or shop for big screen television sets. That would be an empty pursuit. How radical.
We live off the grid and answer to no one aside from the few people like us and our memories of the the ones that dropped us. Those we carry faithfully. They're vivid and unrelenting, and we are their bitches. It seems as if we are these "fuck everyone" free spirits, but we're more chained than anyone, and to our imaginary un-friends, which is a silly irony. Or at least I think that's ironic, but when I declare something ironic someone smarter tells me that I'm wrong, and then I have to kick them in the nuts.
But we also get wrapped up in each other. We get twisted around and love triangled, and it hurts, but sometimes I think we like it this way. It redirects our attention. We can't feel anything else with all that drama going on. That would be like trying to hear a pin drop at a concert, and not a Yanni concert, a Megadeath concert or something equally as violent. No one is anchored to anything substantial so the wrapping just keeps on going. It's not love, that's for sure, because love isn't supposed to make you feel half dead. But it is a miracle to get out of it and harbor no grudge. I choose not to.
So leave me the fuck alone about Tucker.
Comments
That guy is probably harbouring some deep dark secret. Its weird to not be a little bit messed up.
Posted by: lilredcoat ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.thebunnyblog.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at August 25, 2005 03:24 AM
At least you got crazy glue, broken pot. All I got was a fucking gluestick...and some Down Syndrome fourth grader trying to piece me back together.
Posted by: shy~deadly at August 25, 2005 06:07 AM
I now have an analogy I can use, thank you...and by the way, not all of us will try to pry into your business. It speaks volumes on their part.
Posted by: Ella at August 25, 2005 10:11 AM
Bunny I understand Im the same way, Misery loves company. I'd rather have 20 disfunctional friends, then 1 normal friend. Your Not broken your just human.
Posted by: damnhot at August 25, 2005 01:28 PM
I've never met some one who isn't broken. The people who seem like they aren't are the worst off. They're the ones with boring office jobs while they're still going to college for a boring degree, only to go home to their college football playing boyfriend and barbie doll friends. They get up to wash and wax their cars because it keeps them busy enough to pretend they are not just as broken as the girl at the party last night who made a huge drunken scene and got kicked out. I admire any one who can embrace themselves as a broken-then-glued-back-together being. And I envy any female who can talk openly about it amongst her fellow broken friends.
That is why The Bunny is my hero!
Posted by: Barbie at August 25, 2005 04:13 PM
When do you get glued back together? I haven't been... I can't even find the peices. I haven't been able to find them for a few years now. If anybody see's them please mail them to me.
Posted by: KiDDo at August 25, 2005 08:37 PM
I'm sorry but this made me laugh...
"We live off the grid/(matrix) and answer to no one (droid) aside from the few
people(bots) like us (virus' the system calls us) and our(computer chip) memories of the the
(robotic) ones that (mechanically)dropped us"
It sounds like a line from a high school's production of like a futuristic oliver twist.. of course.. more so now that I've added some words..
But aside from that I think I get where your comming from..
Posted by: Bodega_Baby at August 25, 2005 11:54 PM
I've been trying for years to put into words the way I feel about myself most of the time and why I have the friends I have. Thank you for expressing it in a way that I've not yet been able to.
Posted by: Devers at August 26, 2005 06:58 AM
Fair is fair. I've got my share of fucked up girls behind me that I'd rather not talk about.
And if I had to come up with a metaphor for myself, I'd say I'm a piece of contemporary art, and not because it's new or creative.
Posted by: jonny vraga at August 26, 2005 08:52 AM
Just because you are "broken" don't presume the rest of us are. I, for one, am entirely whole. I am not broken. I repeat "I am not broken!" I AM NOT BROKEN! I AM NOT BROKEN!I AM NOT BROKEN! I AM NOT BROKEN! I AM NOT BROKEN! I AM NOT BROKEN! I AM NOT BROKEN! I AM NOT BROKEN!
Or something.
Bunny Edit: Shhhhhh... quiet your face or I will ban you, Drock.
Posted by: D-Rock at August 26, 2005 09:37 AM
First of all... Bunny, you rock. I think you are smart, sexy, funny, and truly have gift with words. I enjoy reading your posts very much.
But, you don't give yourself enough credit or allow yourself to be "broken" without labeling yourself as some psycho chick with strange friends.
I guess my point is, there is a middle ground. This guy to you seems to have it all put together - the big screen tv, happy, etc... How novel.
Give me a break. Life is not a free ride. If you want something, go get it. If you don't like something, do something to change it. If you want a big screen tv, get off your (not you Bunny - just a general 'you') ass and earn one.
I'm so sick of hearing people talk about the corporate job - the unfullfilling boring beauracratic pigeon hole that many call a justfiably rewarding career. Jobs give us some personal satisfaction if we are lucky but at the very least, they give us the tools ($$) to do the things we want when we aren't at work. Again, how novel an idea.
You aren't broken. You are perfect. You are the way you are supposed to be and any variation of such would make you another person. Maybe surrounding yourself with just one "normal" person would make you see things differently. I hate religion, most people, and am not always happy. BUT, I do have alot of friends that are very different and I feed off that unique perspective. Some are rich, some are poor, some are smart, some are complete dumb-asses, some I like, some I don't like so much.
But you know what? Not matter what, they are my friends. They help shape my world and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Keep your head up and don't let anyone make you feel "broken." You're not.
Posted by: Kip at August 26, 2005 12:22 PM
I love your analogy of the broken pot crazy glued together. Can't imagine a day going by where I don't feel like that.
Posted by: Girl of Summer at August 26, 2005 12:36 PM
All the interesting people are fucked up. It's too boring to have your shit together.
Erin
Posted by: LilaChicaD at August 27, 2005 10:31 PM
Screw normal people! Bunny, keep your head up. Though you may think you're broken and surrounded by equally destroyed friends, we all still believe you are a truly remarkable person.
Who would've thought that somebody broken like you is more interesting than a "normal" person like me? Or anybody else for that matter?
What's it like talking to a normal person? Boring, that's what! They don't have anything to show for, talk about, let alone something that's worthy of note.
YOU, on the otherhand. You have a fucking bounty of stories to tell, and truths to be told. I could listen to you talk about every single experience you can remember all night until I'm either half-dead, asleep, or alone (because i'm so boring it would make you scatter).
Maybe I should be broken so I can become interesting. I wish I had a friend like you bunny, they would be the most wonderful person ever.
Posted by: Lars at September 9, 2005 12:13 PM
That was a lovely post, Kip, but saying that someone is perfect doesn't fix the fact that they don't feel "perfect," or even "kinda ok" most of the time. Sometimes having a way of expressing that . . off feeling is the best way you have of coping with it.
Posted by: rien at July 31, 2006 10:01 PM
This post and Philalawyer's 10%-ers post are two of the most personally relevant things I've ever read. Keep up the good work, I look forward to buying your book.
Posted by: Rich at August 4, 2006 11:22 PM
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