Real Men - August 19, 2005

Why do people own poodles?

Perhaps the problem lies with the fact most women nowadays prefer the pretty boys. Macho men aren't always the prettiest creatures around. Perhaps you should try hooking up with a hairy construction worker named Frank or Tony. I've known a few and most of them like dogs. I think they'd be a lot less likely to soil themselves at the sight of a friendly, tail wagging little puppy.

I dont know about you, but if someone ever, EVER kicked my dog, bad things would happen to them...especially a yuppie with a poodle.

Bad things should happen to yuppies with poodles anyway.

Q: Why do people own poodles?

A: The only excuse I can see is that the need a hypoallergenic dog.

We Do Not Prefer Pretty-Boys!!!

Let me get this straight. You're searching for a cowboy in downtown Chicago?

that's just a classic story of dumb dog owners...i have two huskies (very energetic dogs that love to wrestle and play really hard). people sometimes panic about how "wild" they are, and often send their dogs over unleashed because they don't want to deal with my monsters. i let my two do what they will. i still snicker about the time that some woman sent her dog over to play with them even though i yelled "call your dog away! not now! call your dog!" then my clever girl had explosive diarrhea all over it. the dog was covered in poo that looked like brown pee, blinking at me in either horror or complete lack of self-awareness. i would have pooped on that dog too. in fact i think it was even a maltapoo. i hate stupid dog owners.

i just stumbled across your blog today and i think i'm going to read the entire thing right now ;) funny shit, girlfriend.

Is your dog hurt?

Q: Where have all the real men gone???

A: Theyve been kicked to death by self improvement obsessed females who plague them with loose statements such as 'youre not in touch with your feminine side so how can you understand me' or 'its ok to take pride in your appearence women dont like flab' and 'are you homophobic?' (which most men take to mean 'are you gay?') until they shrivel up, die and are reborn as men who are more likely to offer you a face pack then a good hard shafting. My boyfriend is one of them. However he is a dandy at applying hair removel cream to procarious areas so he's forgiven.

What the fuck did he think he was doing? Kicking a defenseless puppy, motherfucker. Oh well, you probably made him cry, good job!

Last time someone tried to kick my dog (a tourist taking pic's) they ended up in the river camera and all.

I'm lead vocals in a metal band, I'm a business savvy technician that my bosses can't live without, I grew up in the woods (note: not state protected forest), I guide people on wilderness backpacking trips, I hunt elk with a bow and I eat what I kill, I tell people the way it is, fuck 'em if they hate me for it, love 'em if they love me for it, and I have a seven inch cock (sorry, but do you know how hard ten is to come by? pun intended). So there, we still exist. Well ok, I still exist...I only know one other guy like me, my best friend, and he's in the Air Force, so I'm sure he's in the process of being emasculated as I type this...

Did Murphy pee on the dog, or is she over that? I don't know why I need to know this.

Who the fuck kicks a puppy? In the head, no less! Even I would have tried to beat his ass, and I've never even weighed enough to donate blood.

Please give your snouts extra cuddles for me.

I think the problem with "todays man" being emasculated stems from women. Not that it is the women's fault, but it lies within the fact that men live to impress women, and what women mostly want is not a hardcore male.

Tests have shown that men want the most affemnenite woman in a series of pictures, while women will pick a more "middle of the line" man. Which explains why Orlando Bloom is popular, for example.

Anyways, Men have been encouraged to "express" themselves by women in our society. Rather than expressing real feelings, they tend to emulate what they see (e.g. Emo Guys), and then "act" the part. After encouragement, they become to believe that this act is a true emotion, and then begin to attatch themselves and start to gauge their feelings off of these fake emotions, and embracing them as part of their character. Which is why you have sissy men crying when their girlfriend wants to break up with them, and so forth. And often times, from what I have seen, it works, because most Women are naive and think that this acting is a real emotion. Which they approve of, since it means they don't have to learn to read our real emotions that we don't emote like them.

I don't think this is a new thing. 70s had hippies, 80s had the androdgynous thing, 90s had something I'm too lazy to care about, and now we have emo/new yuppie hippy faggers. Maybe that guy was gay, and was with his fag hag.

Men, stop being pussy ass crybabies. Even if you win with it, you're still a loser.

Women, respect the fact that real men aren't pussy ass crybabies, nor are they dumbfounded oxen who will obey you.

People are people, and understanding makes things easier.

P.S. To the "super male that based his name off a science fiction character (kudos for that)", heavy metal is a vien of music that stems from dorks that love dungeons and dragons and wear silly outfits and makeup. Not that you do either of those things, I'm just saying, music wise, Johnny Cash is much more manly. Kind of like how football is more manly than a male 69.

last time someone whipped my dog with a leash, he went home with a black eye. kick that fucking yuppie's ass!

What the fuck...is there a recent explosion of dog-kickers? We have this fuck at my office who did the same thing to a dog...now we are all waiting for him to be alone after work one day..

What dicks..

P.S: Tuna town is a nice place to live. ;) I have a lovely home there. ;)

in defense of the guy, he probably had just gotten a manicure, and we all know how much it sucks to fix those fixed...

wait, who am I kidding; when my nails get too long, I bite them, when I'm hungry, I crave red meet, and when I need something to do, I find a grisley bear and challange him to a fight to the death. There's nothing even remotely manly about somebody afraid to break up dogs by hand, housebroken dogs don't tend to be biters anyway... he should know that.

I can't believe that shithead kicked Murphy.

If some piece of shit with a stupid frou-frou dog kicked my dog Ozzie in the head, I would castrate him. NO ONE fucks with my dog!

Way to go on making him cry himself to sleep tonight!

I'm starting to understand why you ever thought dating Tucker was acceptable.

Bunny I'm confused - is Maxie your dog or Tucker's? Or did he just refer to her as his on ihs site.... (Monday, August 01, 2005 - his post)

i think that's why i think guys in the military are kinda hot. cause they can lift stuff and hump 10 miles (both on their feet and on their stomachs) and they somehow make olive green sexy. Plus they drink a lot and aren't afraid to cause a little trouble.

I just heard a friend of mine say some words of wisdom today that kind of fits here.

"Never trust a man who doesn't drink."
"Never trust a man who doesn't cuss."
"Never trust a man who, when he sees a beautiful woman, won't check out her rack/ass and point her out to you."

I am in firm agreement with him. Real men do exist. My friends and I are all the things you described. I don't have the 10, but I have an excellent tongue.

Today I get to go home after a 4 month deployement, so I will be able to do all those things once again.

Amen sister! Seeing a metrosexual man wearing a pink shirt with a popped collar makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I'll take the jean clad-grease stained-needs a shave-real man any day of the week. Where oh where have the real men gone?

i think this is you.. yeah?

you're gorgeous!!

i tried to put a pic up there.. didn't work.. its a picture from tucker max's site, called 'i like bi girls'

A real man doesn't prescribe to what a woman says he should be. The muscle-bound He-man can be just as bad as the pop-collared pussy if he's adopting that image instead of naturally being it. But even if that's his natural state, lifting weights and picking fights isn't what makes a man. I think a real man is one who ignores the opinions of lesser people and stands his ground against whoever and whatever opposes him. But, this is just the rambling of a guy who's had beer, barbeque, and weed all within the same half hour. Not that that changes the core message of what I wrote. Real men stick to their guns and think for themselves. Fuck you and goodnight.

I think I'm in love. Not the "stalk you outside your window" type love, but the "admire you gracefully from California" type love. You rock. Next time, please kick that metrosexual yuppy fag right in the face. I don't own dogs, nor am I particularly fond of them, but kicking a defenseless animal like a grade A panzy must be punished.

Look, I have lamented this over myself. I think the answer is that you have a generation of men raised by single mothers, who were knocked up by asshole men, that left them, and then said shit like "your father was a dick, don't be like him"(Not my original idea's, you can thank Tom Leykis for being the brain on that one).

The ad game, Televsion, and most of your entertainment is either targeting women, or is ran by women. I am a knuckledragger. I am in the Service, you want a real man, find a Soldier, I live in downtown LA, and it is Metroed the fuck out. Yuppies suck, metro's swallow. Out.

I agree with the castration idea, guys like that should NOT be allowed to reproduce.

Us real men are still around!

We just don't want to deal with society's bullshit and femin-nazi banter so we go out to the country or what not.

And I still have your t-shirt if you want it Bunny!

I think your father has set you an impossibly high standard for men.

Ding ding ding... We have a winner.

I don't know how many women can say that their father is the greatest man they've ever met, by any objective/subjective standard.

Fuck the guy who said that Johnny Cash is more manly than metal as a way of berating me. I never said Johnny wasn't a man in his way. But my way is by frequently blacking out on stage in the middle of screaming out songs while jumping around and churning my crowd into a frenzy - but no one can tell that I just passed out while standing up. That's just what this man does - and I won't berate you for liking Johnny Cash, especially since I do too. Being a man doesn't mean you rank others as men or boys. It means you know who you are and you act accordingly. Fuck anyone who claims to know me better than I know myself. And fuck that guy for thinking that metal came from dorks - do your homework, asswipe.

i would like to clarify something about poodles. they were originally hunting dogs, and can be extrememly vicious when not raised to be be pussies. poodles are also highly intelligent and make wonderful companions. my family has a poodle named Elvis, and although we was never trained to do so, he always barks and growls at everyone who comes to the door. people are afraid of my poodle.

^^ Whatever - poodle are disgusting. They have horrible temperments and are gross to look at.

perfect companions for yuppies and lonley uggos.

We've got alot of those boys like you're looking for down here in Georgia Bunny! And they rock! There's nothing like a good strong man to hold you up and fuck you against a wall;P Yummy!

And any fucker who kicked my dog would probably get his ass kicked by this psycho soccer mom;D

Rock on Bunny!

What was I thinking, passing out while screaming is very manly. Apologies.

What men need, at the core, is to stop fucking caring. Stop caring about what people think of you, stop caring about if your fucking fingernails or face look good, and stop caring about looking fashionable. I'm not saying we should all wear grease-stained wifebeaters out, but if you're out drinking and you honestly feel the need to look better than the other men in the bar then you have problems. Adhering to some imaginary ideal of "real man" because you afraid of being called a pussy is just as bad, too.

Seton - "...dorks that love dungeons and dragons and wear silly outfits and makeup"? If anything, the metal stereotype is "Cultureless Mulleted Redneck," not dork. Take a look at Metallica or Slayer fans sometime and you'll see what I'm talking about. I'm not meaning to protect the macho-man-over-the-internet guy, just making a correction. (And ok, I admit the genre is 95% shit, but the 5% that have some talent and creativity are worth the stimga.)

Kill that jackass little fag! How could anyone hurt such an adorable puppy???

And I'm in agreement with you about missing the real men. Why did they all trade in their jackhammers for spa gloves? *tear*

I completely understand on all accounts. My father is the greatest man in the world, and my boyfriend is the closest thing to a man (re: my father) I've come across. Strong, handy, efficient, rough around the edges, and just a tiny hint of teddy bear buried deep inside. Sessy.

And if anyone kicked my dog - my abuse-rescued, friendly, sweet, playful, good citizen of a dog - I'm afraid of what I might say and do.

My dad is the most amazing human being I've ever met. He has dealt with adversity (being from a very strict military family and all) and he has been through enough and seen enough to get my full respect. I adore him, he's the best Dad ever, and I am so lucky to call him that, "Dad". If I found a man that even closely resembled my father I'd be the luckiest girl in the world.

Most men are lying, manipulating sacks of shit. It makes my toes numb with pissed-offid-ness that they get by with so much shit and can manipulate their way out of anything.

Fuck 'em. That's why God made vibrators.

"Most men are lying, manipulating sacks of shit. It makes my toes numb with pissed-offid-ness that they get by with so much shit and can manipulate their way out of anything.

Fuck 'em. That's why God made vibrators"

But thats why you love us.

"But thats why you love us."

Awww...vomit.

You can even manipulate your way out of male-bashing. Awesome.

What's to manipulate? You into bed? Thats usually done easy enough. Feed into your insecurities, tell you we're different, and try not to treat you like the panty-dropper that you are. Your penis envy is showing.

Poodles are justlike any other dog when they're puppies. People destroy them by forcing them to become the prissy slopey faced snotbags that we all picture when we think of poodles. The same as people who get pitbulls and them beat them until they're mean, people mentally beat poodles into being weird.

Normal poodles, that dont have weirdo haircuts and are raised like normal dogs, are quite good dogs.

We should all snuggle and make murphy feel better. kisses & hugs.

Bunny, once again you have hit the nail square on the head. Boobies are a lot more interesting than metrosexuals. I'm still hoping for a nice beard-sporting, meat-hunting, no-whining, well-adjusted, hard-fucking, honorable, intelligent, honest-to-goodness hetero man to appear. Until then, boobies will suffice.

Bunny- real men do exist. I happen to be one and have found in my travels there is a much higher percentage of them in the so-called Red States.

Being from Texas I was raised on hunting, fishing, football (OK all sports), hard work, and many values that are far too infrequent these days. And so are most of my friends.

I have a couple of buddies from the northeast down here in Texas (one from north Jersey & one from Rochester, NY) and they are good guys, but they are totally metro and have never done anything more manly than going to a Yankees game.

Kharma is a bitch, dude. It will come back to you.

i agree, i am a plumber in vancouver canada. constantly i get sick of seeing meterosexuals, i blame it on women and society, guys these days are scared to work with their hands, every girl i talk to says there is nothing more sexy then a guy who knows how to fix things, can stay calm in a crisis, and kick ass when need be....but then again these are the same girls who are calling me to fix something for them while their boyfriend applies facial creams and lotions...

oh well, the less people there are in trades, the more money i get to charge....so for that reason, i say more guys should be metrosexuals.

(sad fact about vancouver, the most popular night-club / bar is a gay one)

"Kharma is a bitch, dude. It will come back to you"

Thats it? All that bullshit from before and thats it? Oh well. I'll go find stimulation somewhere else then.

I'm sure the only stimulation that you will find is from some KY and your right hand.

Anyway. If you would like to argue this further, email the bunny and get my email address. If not, fuck you.

Two points, if I may.
1. The real men are truly still here. We're just in hiding. By day, I wear business suits, and speak corporation, and say things like "paradigm." I'm not proud, but I do need to eat. Off hours, though, I'm a different person. I drink beer, dress to show off my tattoos (not a statement; I just like them), and work on cars out of a messy garage and huge tool chest. I get in fights with people who tell me that my opinions are wrong, and theirs are the ONLY correct ones (usually bible-thumpers or save the planet cultists). I watch movies with boobs in them, and that's the only reason I'll watch a movie. Unless there are big explosions. I'll tell a person who is full of shit that he or she is full of shit, regardless of that persons' sex, age, race, or religion. If I see a hot woman walking, I will stare at her ass and think impure thoughts. If I see a man slap a woman in public (yes, it still happens), then I will endeavor to push his teeth through the back of his head. I will always hold a door for a woman, or offer her my seat if it is crowded on the train. I will help a child find his or her lost parent. I will never cry in public. If I go to a restaurant, they better have a good steak, or veal on the menu. Jeans and a polo shirt are appropriate dress for almost any occasion. I like my coffee black, and I will not drink a cafe mocha double frappa-whatever. Any man in earshot who orders a Sea Breeze will be ridiculed unmercifully, while I work on boilermakers. I do this with a smile on my face, and I'm proud to be as politically incorrect as possible. I am a man, and if you don't like it, please let me know. I won't change, but you'll give me a good laugh.
2. Kicking a puppy is an offense punishable by immediate flogging. For the first offense, that is. Second offenders should be drug into the street and shot.

I like how the guy above totally takes the time to plug himself. I don't think real men are arrogant either, either, buddy.

I don't think we can classify construction workers and common laborers as real men more quickly than your average bony semi-sissy looking white guy. There can easily be many drawbacks to both equally as quickly.

Hell, you know what? I think all you idiots that have gone and promoted yourselves so that you can just suck up to a woman that you'll never meet need to get off the computer and start searching for your nuts.

I like how the guy above totally takes the time to plug himself. I don't think real men are arrogant either, either, buddy.

I don't think we can classify construction workers and common laborers as real men more quickly than your average bony semi-sissy looking white guy. There can easily be many drawbacks to both equally as quickly.

Hell, you know what? I think all you idiots that have gone and promoted yourselves so that you can just suck up to a woman that you'll never meet need to get off the computer and start searching for your nuts.

I like how the guy above totally takes the time to plug himself. I don't think real men are arrogant either, either, buddy.

I don't think we can classify construction workers and common laborers as real men more quickly than your average bony semi-sissy looking white guy. There can easily be many drawbacks to both equally as quickly.

Hell, you know what? I think all you idiots that have gone and promoted yourselves so that you can just suck up to a woman that you'll never meet need to get off the computer and start searching for your nuts.

I think that I may now officially be in love with the Bunny...

Nah, I'll use my left hand, then it feels like someone else is doin it. I do believe that you are taking this way too seriously. I'll tell you what, I'll apologize if you'll cook me dinner. Its a joke, lighten the hell up, and stop taking life so serious, no one gets out alive.

Come to Texas, Bunny, there's plenty of real men here.

I hate pretty boys too.

I don't have a dog, but my animals are family and those that fuck with my family get dealt with.

Way to go Bunny, beat that stupid yuppie faggots ass, kick a puppy, fuckin' ass clown. I've been checking out your site for a bit now, and must now profess my love for you!!! You da bomb, girl. Sorry you're having such a problem getting a good bonin'. Much love from DC!

Sorry for the double post, my POS PC froze, and I thought, lost it.

I come from a long line of hunters/gatherers. My ancestors have always hunted or farmed to feed their families. I was raised on a farm where all our pets eventually ended up on our plates (cats and dogs EXCLUDED) and you did not cry about it, you ate. So when I see a "man" with lip gloss, perfectly manicured nails and no sweat glands I can't help but want to go in for the kill. My hunting instinct has detected a weakened individual and never would I allow my genes to be diluted with his prissy-plastic-ken doll-blood. So where are the real men you say Bunny? I think Cowboys are the last of them.

I will totally kick your ass down the ski hill.

Bunny Edit: Many an ego have been smashed this way. I give you fair warning.

Let me see if I've got this straight… your dogs scared his. Then one of your dogs showed teeth. Then your other dog became entangled in his dog's leash. All the while, you expected him to be a mind reader and know Murphy's personality in an instant. Bunny, I'm sure your a nice person around your friends, but a "brutish man" would have given you a slap upside the head for not controlling your dogs, then would have beaten Maxie to death with Murphy's mangled corpse.

Once home, he'd whistle "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" while cleaning out your dogs' blood from under his fingernails.

I find the ability to go toe to toe with me in a boxing ring, shoot, dress out, and butcher a deer, and a vested interest in punk rock (mohawk a plus, specifically a green one) to be attractive traits in a woman. Unfortunately most of them appear to be lesbians. I have a lot of lesbian friends.