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The Irish have won - October 12, 2007

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"I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same."
~Iris Murdoch

The English have sophistication and wit. The French have food and wine. The Italians have fashion. Eastern Europe has gorgeous women. The Middle East has architecture. The Japanese have design. The Brazilians have looks. The Germans have engineering. The Dutch have unrepentant freakiness. The Irish have...

The Irish have...

My family is mostly Irish. We came through Canada during the potato famine, found out nobody in North America liked Irish people, and suppressed all obviously-Irish tics and traits--because when you're Irish, you have little to be proud of. Don't think it's true? What can the Irish be proud of? Our mindporking, Nazi-run, kid-raping shit-show of a religion? What else do we celebrate perchance? Codependent personality disorder? Alcoholism, racism, recipes involving the over-boiling of tubers in spiceless water? The fact that our home country--which none of us ever visits--is very green, though green looks atrocious on skin with pinkish undertones? Guess what kind of undertones Irish skin has? Guess.

Perhaps we can celebrate that one day per year that is ours, the day of corporated debauchery named for "St. Patrick," the dude we hold holy for being dragged kicking and screaming to our country, and then enslaved by our mindporking religion. The day is little more than a national excuse for anyone of non-Irish descent to get drunk, fight and fuck someone they've never met before. If you're Irish, that's called "Thursday." On Friday we wake up in the gutter.

So bear with me if you're Irish, because I'm done bitching. You're gagging for something substantial to celebrate. You're like me and you want to be proud of your people, tics and quirks included. You'd like to take note of something good that has come of your gene set, something that doesn't taste like paste, something that doesn't leave you feeling like the devil after masturbating. Well then, it is with great pleasure that I present to you: UFC light heavyweight genius, Forrest Griffin.

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Our dear Forrest recently whooped the shit out of the thought-to-be unbeatable Brazilian, Mauricio Shogun Rua (pronounced "hua"--apparently the Portuguese didn't get the memo on the "R") at UFC 76, Knockout. Nobody picked him to win. In fact, we all thought, "Run, Forrest, run!" but he didn't just win the fight, he dominated all rounds--soundly, with strategy, reasoning and inner calm one almost never sees in an Irishman--winning in the final round with a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu blood choke. Yes, that's right. Our pink-eared boy beat a slippery, brown Brazilian at his own god damned game.

I was at my father's sixtieth birthday bash when the news that Forrest had won came in via text message. I screamed "THE IRISH HAVE WON!" for a half hour straight, and nobody understood because the Irish don't win at anything. Whatever. At least we're not boring. I proved this by drinking myself into a coma in celebration of dad and my heritage. It was a fitting tribute, for sure.

The only thing NOT thrilling about Forrest's win was the post-fight interview, during which he was questioned about his future in the UFC: "My family says 'Forrest, you have to fight. It's the only thing you're good at.'"

Dammit.

Anyway, congratulations to Forrest Griffin, and everybody with the tics and the crap religion. We didn't have to take second place this time. Go eat a tuber and have a beer, and another and another, because it's Friday, and that gutter aint gonna fill itself.

Posted by The Bunny at 2:39 AM

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"The Irish are the only people impervious to psychoanalysis" Freud

Posted by: Imran (about 1/3 Irish) at October 12, 2007 04:47 AM

I'm 1/2 irish and 1/2 italian. the irish side wants to drink, and the italian side wants you to sit down and eat something, you look like you haven't eaten all day!!!

sorry, i just turned into my Italian grandmother. and i look terrible in green, yet i always try to wear green eyeshadows.

Posted by: Courtney at October 12, 2007 07:56 AM

"The day is little more than a national excuse for anyone of non-Irish descent to get drunk, fight and fuck someone they've never met before. If you're Irish, that's called "Thursday." On Friday we wake up in the gutter." I love this. I WISH I was Irish. Irish people are amazingly attractive to me.

Posted by: Mandi at October 12, 2007 10:52 AM

We were jumping up and down screaming and cheering as Pride's #1 ranked Light Heavyweight was humbled before a display of pure heart.

Forrest is a great guy and worked his butt off for that win.

I wouldn't say he "beat the Brazilian at his own game" because Shogun's Jiu-Jitsu is nothing to write home about. Not to mention the RNC to BJJ is like saying a guy is a boxer because he throws a punch. It's such an easy tool to use on an injured opponent it really doesn't denote a sub game.

If Forrest swept him into a rolling kneebar...well that's different.

Anyway there were a bunch of Korean Chute Boxe fans at the place I was watching, and seeing their expression as their hero was crushed was priceless.

For the record the best Brazilian fighter is Ricardo Arona. Shogun loses to him 8/10 times.

Word.

Posted by: Kuroi Kaze at October 12, 2007 11:28 AM

And all this time I thought we "Eye-Talians" were known for our large genitalia and our insatiable hunger for the taste of a good woman.

P.S. Forrest Griffin should savor the win over Rua, when they meet again, expect something drastically different. And what is the deal with Liddell losing to Jardine?

Posted by: yoyoma at October 12, 2007 11:55 AM

How about the Irish having the tenacity to overcome the social contruct of their status as second-class citizens, in a country whose industrialization depended upon them, and other immigrants.

Posted by: Kayla at October 12, 2007 02:17 PM

Ah...I almost hated hearing that Forrest won...before actually seeing the fight! Darn you Bunny ; ) I'm so glad he won! Careful with all that drinking, you only get one liver haha.

Posted by: Wayland at October 12, 2007 02:40 PM

Um... James Joyce? Guinness? U2? Lowest corporate tax rate and highest economic growth in the region? The book of Kells? I'm not even Irish and I like these things.

Posted by: Bild at October 13, 2007 01:47 AM

The Irish sure did come through Canada. About a third of the population of this island has a surname that starts with Mc or Mac. (I'm a Mc, myself.) So many of the tics and traits are alive and well.

And the drinking. Oh, the drinking.

I'm jealous of my sister's ability to wear any shade of green. We came from the exact same gene pool, except she somehow looks Mexican.

Posted by: Cori [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 14, 2007 04:31 PM

So I was at work and I see this woman in her late twenties, attractive, fit and definitely athletic, browsing around. I take a closer look and notice that she's got a huge black eye and a cut on her cheek and this joyous look of "Holy shit! I just fucked somebody up!" on her face.

Girls taking up fighting sports is hot.

Posted by: amphibian at October 15, 2007 09:05 AM

Natives of Ireland have mixed with the blood of a few invaders/settlers; Nordics, Spanish, and British being the most most prevalent. As such there really isnt any specific look to them, there are several.
The Irish are known for their beautiful writing- something that is often borne of suffering.

Posted by: Redman_12 at October 17, 2007 02:19 PM

"The Irish and the Jews...loosers!"-Professor Holstein
It's interesting how the Scotch-Irish of the South are villified as illeterate, cousin-fucking white trash, and yet the racist, alcoholic white trash of the Northeast are held in honor.
On another note, you're a pretty girl who follows MMA: it's all a man could ask for.

Posted by: Gentleman Dandy at October 21, 2007 05:01 AM

Guess the Irish don't really get humor/sarcasm so much, huh Bunny? ;-)

Posted by: Nytasha at October 24, 2007 01:57 PM

Writing. We do O.K. at that.

Posted by: Lisa at October 25, 2007 11:53 PM

I'm confused. Is there really as much of a difference between the native Irish (I'm one)and the 2nd generation onwards?

I got the impression that Canadians liked the Irish. Maybe they were deceiving me all last summer. But any nationality that looks down on drinking and passively accepts getting high (while perversely being scared to J-walk) is a little quirky. At least they had a sense of humour...

Toronto mustn't count, I assume. What a horrible city.

Posted by: Huh? at November 14, 2007 07:26 PM

Despite the Irish being largely responsible for building the infrastructure of this country (railroads, etc..) they do get shit on too much. The only jobs they could get were construction. Many places had signs that said 'Irish need not apply..". My ornery Irish grandfather keeps a few in his basement 'workshop' as a reminder.

They have terrible tempers to some and are passionate to others. The Irish can write. Any good writer needs depth, angst and pathos, something us potato lovers have in spades. So the cooking sucks- who cares when you have a great drink in front of you?

The Brits have wit, sure. Dry wit. The Irish wit is bawdy and bracing. I much prefer the latter.

Every ethnicity that came over here had something to overcome. Maybe the Irish did feel like the redheaded stepchildren of the U.S. I think that only fueled their determination and made them that much more fun to watch.

Irish folk music led to country music. I loathe country but the music was influential.
And of course, I suggest reading "How the Irish Saved Civilization". Fascinating book about how the illuminated manuscripts documented historic events in detail and well... just read it if you ever get a chance.

I did go over there once to visit. While I am third generation it didn't feel anything like a homecoming when I was there. When I was asked by a seemingly friendly local why I was there, he turned on me. Called me a 'plastic paddy'. Are you fucking kidding me? Apparently a term they use for the Irish Americans who visit and they think they are not 'real' Irish. My boozy response? "At least my ancestors had the brains and the balls to get the FUCK OUT". I mean, the famine and all of that.

Then again, you really are Irish if you can't come up with something good to say about yourself.

This entry was fun to read!

Posted by: Onan's Seed at November 22, 2007 03:43 PM

It's alternatively poetic and hilarious which ads show up next to your posts. Happy St. Patrick's Day?

Posted by: John Smith at March 3, 2009 07:02 AM

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