The Producer is Honest - November 7, 2007

TheProducer is the most brutally honest person I know. This is both a good and bad thing--bad when you're hiding significant things from yourself via cognitive dissonance. "Bunny, you can really be a moody bitch," she'll say. Or, "Why don't you quit running away from the world and pick up your fucking phone?"

Those are examples of bad TP honesty. Here is an example of good TP honesty.

We were waiting for a full side of cow in a restaurant. I think I've mentioned it before, but TP is this little Asian eating machine. She's got a V12 under her itty-bitty midsection. She owns a Zagat's guide that is dog-eared and marked, no for restaurants that don't have deep fat fryers, and yes for the ones that do. So the cow was coming--along with a Pecan Pie shake to wash it down with--and we were catching up.

"I got this weird email from Natalie Merchant," I told her.
"Natalie Merchant, the singer?"
"Yeah."
"Eww...why?"
"Well, she's from the same town I grew up in, and I like her music."
"Why?"
"I dunno. I just do. I used to go to Stockton Gala Days. It's nostalgic."
"It sucks."
"And I grew up a coupla houses down from Rob, her guitarist, and I dunno, everybody listened to them. The town is nuts. Lucille Ball grew up there, left when she was sixteen, and came back, like, once, and every year they have this thing called "Lucy Fest," a big festival with tourbusses, and carnivals, and the Welfare critters that live on the hill. They've painted these enormous murals of Lucille Ball on all the buildings. Its fucking creepy...and I like Lucille Ball."
"Right. Who doesn't love Lucy?"
"Right. So Natalie Merchant is a big deal there, and everybody loves her music, and I signed up for a [now profoundly dormant] Friendster.com account and looked through all the people from my home town--you know, in case I'd lost touch with somebody I actually liked. I saw Natalie and sent her a nice little message, at the bottom of which was my signature which links to my blog."

[There's a point during this conversation when our waitress brings TP's Pecan Pie shake, and TP literally hooks her face up to it as if it were an IV. It is hilarious.]

"So I didn't think she'd write me back or anything, but a few days later, I get this message from her and it says, 'Dear Bunny, I thank you for your note, but I have to tell you that I find your web site appalling and anti-feminist. I think you should rethink your purpose in the world and find some grace.' Something like that. I can't remember the exact words, but you get the gist. I'm anti-feminist. I'm a bad influence. It kind of sucks, because I'll believe anything anyone says about me, so long as its erroneous and negative."

At that, TP unhooked her mouth from the straw and dabbed her lips with her napkin. She then set the napkin down and launched into a tirade.

"Oh, Natalie Merchant thinks you're anti-feminist, huh? Natalie hop-head Merchant, who can only sing three notes, who took the stage before the Grateful Dead in Anaheim in 1989 so fucking high on heroin she could barely get through her three note set thinks you're a bad influence on girls? Natalie drug-face Merchant, who sweated and itched her way through that day thinks you're setting a bad example? You know what sets a bad example? HEROIN! Heroin sets a bad example Natalie Merchant. Spinning around in a big skirt on HEROIN sets a bad, bad, bad example!"

I never again considered Natalie's opinion. So there you go, a good dose of TP honesty saves the day and my fragile ego. TP rocks.

Posted by The Bunny at 4:43 PM

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Comments

I think I love The Producer almost as much as I love you, BunBun.

I detest her metabolism, but that goes without say, right?

I find nothing wrong with being "anti-feminist" whateverthefuck that means, and I love Gloria Steinham.

Posted by: Judi at November 7, 2007 05:14 PM

Amy Winehouse would never call you a bad influence.

Posted by: Toni at November 7, 2007 08:20 PM

whaaa? huh? you, anti-feminist??

what a twat.

Posted by: jolie at November 8, 2007 09:16 AM

I have never commented on your site before. Trixie's, yes. But not here. I guess because I was a little intimidated. Now, I am compelled.

What she wrote to you really pissed me off. I thought "How fucking dare she?" Who in the hell is Natalie Fucking Merchant to tell you that YOU are a bad influence on people?

And in my need to comment here, I felt a need to write to her as well:

"How dare you tell someone they are anti-feminist?

I think it is anti-feminist to bash a woman for writing honestly and from the heart. For expressing her beliefs and passions. Bunny is just a girl trying to make it in the world. She has doubts and fears and highs and lows like anyone. Only difference between Buns and the rest of us mixed up 30somethings is she has the balls to write about it.

To you she may not be a feminist. But to me she is a heartless bitch. Whom I adore. And cherish. And aspire to be. Screw you, wanna be Jezebel. I'll take a heartless bitch over a self proclaimed feminist any day."

Perhaps it was out of line. But I really do admire you. Nobody has any right to make you feel bad.

~~A Card Carrying Heartless Bitch

Posted by: C at November 8, 2007 11:40 AM

As the web admin for Ms. Merchant, I can guarantee you the person who wrote TP is DEFINITELY not Ms. Merchant. She does not have nor never has had a Friendster profile. The TP was flamed by an imposter.

However, I do thank the TP for bringing this imposter profile to our attention so Ms. Merchant can now notify Friendster of the fake. I just wish whomever sent the rather nasty email that lead us to this blog would have be more courteous.

cheers,
nataliemerchant.com web admin

Bunny Edit: Thanks. Good to know. I quite like the lady.

Posted by: NatalieMerchant.com web admin at November 8, 2007 03:24 PM

Bunny, you're the first thing I think about when I think about feminism. S'true.

Posted by: Kyoko at November 8, 2007 03:32 PM

You're a bad influence on me, Bunny.

And I'm male.

Posted by: Soren at November 9, 2007 04:33 AM

Pecan shake? Had to be Lucky Devil's, eh? You try the Kobe cheeseburger too? Awesome stuff.

Posted by: Seanny Rotten at November 9, 2007 09:05 AM

TP is so right-- she only ever could sing three fucking notes. I've always loathed that self righteous bitch. I'll bet she fucked every single one of those 10,000 maniacs.

Posted by: M at November 9, 2007 03:44 PM

A bad influence? Bunny, your "influence" has made me (and lots of others) more likely to do and say whatever the fuck I want. And if that's not better than being a demure little pussy, there's something wrong with the world.

Posted by: Cori at November 13, 2007 02:58 PM