Why Dave Matthews and his Wife should have a Threesome with me
Ten reasons why Dave Matthews & Wife should have sex with me:
10) Because I really really want them to.
9) I've always wanted to hike up my skirt and show my world to someone.
8) Post-coitally, I could die happy. And since this is what Baptists and Collection Agencies would like me to do anyway, Dave could be doing them a favor. He's such a philanthropist.
7) I have Zoloft. Lots and lots of pretty Zoloft to make the pain go away.
6) I can't handle liquor. This would leave Dave and Ashlee with the lion's share of the bar.
5) He's the only person I've considered stalking. He quite obviously wants me to, and I know this because he wrote "Gray Street" about me. Clearly.
4) If I had any money, I would be a philanthropist too. I have been trying to get the Peace Corps to disregard my twenty-year battle with depression; they think I might not be a good person to drop in the middle of third-world squalor. Fuckers.
3) I care. Previously mentioned twenty-year malaise makes me a hell of a therapist.
2) My tongue.
1) No request would be denied. If Dave wanted me to shove a guitar head up my ass it wouldn't be a problem. If Ashlee wanted me to lick motor oil off her tits while spanking me with a gigantic pineapple grass bracelet, I'd do it with glee. [Note: Not actual Bunny fetishes, just examples. Also, my ass is not large enough to fit a guitar in it. Close, but not quite].
Clearly Dave Matthews and his lovely wife Ashlee should have a threesome with me, The Bunny.
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